Classic Audi Community General Chat » Laughter lounge for Bruce. Lol.

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Old 19-02-18, 08:59 PM   #281
sinbin5t
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Originally Posted by Davids View Post
I knew a dyslexic pimp once who tried to buy a warehouse

Very good

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Old 19-02-18, 08:59 PM   #282
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Originally Posted by urquattr085 View Post
This one has been doing the rounds.......


An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die.' He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, 'My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.'

The little boy said, 'That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag...



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Old 19-02-18, 09:00 PM   #283
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BBC News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike
Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they... are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
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Old 19-02-18, 09:04 PM   #284
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BBC News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike
Suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they... are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
That's a good one!!!!!

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Old 19-02-18, 09:09 PM   #285
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Great one David
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Old 19-02-18, 10:43 PM   #286
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Very very funny David
Particularly like "chief executive Haisheet Mapants "
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Old 20-02-18, 03:31 PM   #287
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Old 20-02-18, 07:19 PM   #288
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Like that one David
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Old 20-02-18, 09:42 PM   #289
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Like that one David
Yep, I bet you do
I wouldn't mind one like that either
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Old 20-02-18, 09:44 PM   #290
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