Modern Relationships

[Ringmaster]

Chaps,

I need to know whether there is something wrong with me or I just don't understand women.......

I recently celebrated a significant birthday with very close friends I've known since college days in the good old 80s. I am currently the last one of the bunch still single. Like any set of good friends, they always ask how that is coming along. As the drinks flowed one of them (a lady) made the comment that my problem is that I am too nice!

Apparently, being considerate can give a lady the impression that I may not be a step up/provider sort of guy in the long run. In fact, it could make me look like a fussy sort. I have been known to open doors and ask a lady if she would like another drink or buy flowers without a reason, but I didn't think that was being fussy. My friend said that women today like to be able to jump start a car, if they know how, or change a light bulb. And I thought it was just polite to offer help!. I was amazed to hear she too felt it was unattractive I thought I knew her after 30 years!

Other friends (male) couldn't understand her either and assumed she just meant being too considerate, too early, could be interpreted as not being a genuine trait, thus unattractive, so just be one's self..But I like opening doors!.

I know she can't speak for all ladies, but I've heard of this kind of logic before. I just can't understand how politeness/kindness can be interpreted as a weakness. On the flip side, I often hear women say they prefer bad boys, yet they are invariably never happy with such characters. Surely most women wouldn't agree with the adage 'treat em mean, keep em keen'? I'm sure none of you would expect that for your sisters or daughters.

Anyone understand this logic? Is it as prevalent nowadays as it seems?

[tractor Dave]

I think your lady friend was just being polite and trying to make you feel better about being single. I would read nothing into it at all. Carry on being nice if that's the way you are. The right lady for you will find that very attractive. In the meantime, enjoy being single as it means you can indulge your passion for old Audi's 100% without having to fend off comments like "What do you need another old car for? You already have three!"

[Isimmo]

The best thing in life is just being you, carry on being nice. Being married, single, on the moon with green hair, it doesn’t matter, you’re you and out there somewhere somebody gets that...

Rule number 1 = don’t pretend to be someone you are not, be yourself, the world sees through great pretenders.

[sinbin5t]

Originally Posted by Isimmo

Rule number 1 = don’t pretend to be someone you are not, be yourself, the world sees through great pretenders.

Wise words

[sjp001]

Just going to chime in (I have higher than average experience with psychology and relationships)... Being nice is not a problem at all and plenty of women will be looking for this. This is a great quality and be proud of it. If you are capable, reliable and in reasonable physical nick then perhaps you are looking in the wrong place...

[Ringmaster]

Originally Posted by tractor Dave

I think your lady friend was just being polite and trying to make you feel better about being single.

Yes, I know she meant well, we've been mates for years, but her direct tone was unusual and did leave me wondering about my modus operandi as miss right remains elusive and my good looks are starting to fade.

Thanks for the solidarity chaps... Fascinating topic though, but I don't think I will ever fully understand women

[Ringmaster]

Originally Posted by sjp001

perhaps you are looking in the wrong place...

You have a point. My peer group is thoroughly domesticated now so I find myself flying solo over unfamiliar territory.....

[BackintheFold]

Originally Posted by sinbin5t

Wise words

Yup. I agree.
Of course, if you want the kind of woman who wants the kind of man who couldn't give a sh!t about her, then act like you couldn't give a sh!t about her and see what happens!

All advice accepted at your own risk...

[4v6]

Can identify with the op here as ive been told something very similar.
Seems a im a "nice guy" but for some reason being good to people and treating them properly just dosent cut the cake.
Ive found women to be difficult to understand even when you get on well with them, theyve got brains that just dont work like mine... and again I mean that in a nice way....maybe I should mean it in a bad way and theyd come flocking....
Nah, isnt me so I couldnt be nasty to em just for the sake of it.
Ahh well maybe eventually some attractive thing with a penchant for climbing under old audis ( id be under there too ) will come along.

[Ringmaster]

It's good to know it's not just me mate.Will just have to keep looking for Miss Right.

I was just surprised my friend held those views. She always seemed like a no nonsense sort of gal to me, but I obviously didn't know her that well. It may explain why she's been condemning her husband's behaviour towards her since their wedding day (I kid you not!) 14 years ago and yet made no effort to leave. He's lined up for a great pension, but she's done very well for herself too, nor are there any kids to consider. I never had a theory for this until now ...

Again, thanks for the solidarity, chaps