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MadderThanMax · 02-07-11, 08:51 PM

Okay, Fair play,

But look at the bigger picture for the mo:

This is Hypothetical right!

There you are on the PC, You're in the zone - enjoying the banter etc, the phone rings and you go to answer and in walks your youngest child or your girlfriend and has a look on the screen.. and there it is, daddy/boyfriend wants to be a pornstar! How would you feel trying to explain that one? Get where I'm coming from or here's another for you...

You're a newbie, your looking for advice on your coupe yeah? So in you delve in, trawling sites and you come to this one... and you give it a whirl and.... Look whats at the top of the tree on the opening page "Wanna be a Pornstar??" Hardly helps you set the idle on your coupe or solve the Misfire at high speed does it?

Presentation is 9/10s the law and you all want this forum to thrive yeah? Stoopid questions that IMHO aren't funny like " Would you be a pornstar?" don't create a good impression. Now you say that I don't have a sense of humour and that I should lighten up - Dude! You don't even know me so where you get that idea I don't know but what I do know is:

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.
They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."

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Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations."
But none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"?

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Honestly some folk will take offence at anything.
I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked.
"Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!"

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My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.
It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.

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Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!!

Personally I think its bollocks!!

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They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right.
After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive!

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What’s the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack?
The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once.

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Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"
"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."

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A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"

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A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."

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The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you..'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else.. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

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These are funny and raise a laugh, stoopid questions that in real life you're never gonna fufill only do the forum harm and fill up vauable server space.

As a very Close Friend of mine reminds me:

If you p1ssed in one hand and wished in the other, which one would be filled first?

So hopefully you see value to what I'm trying to say, if not then you kids can play on in the sand pit!

02-07-11, 08:51 PM	#13
MadderThanMax Grown up member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 254	Okay, Fair play, But look at the bigger picture for the mo: This is Hypothetical right! There you are on the PC, You're in the zone - enjoying the banter etc, the phone rings and you go to answer and in walks your youngest child or your girlfriend and has a look on the screen.. and there it is, daddy/boyfriend wants to be a pornstar! How would you feel trying to explain that one? Get where I'm coming from or here's another for you... You're a newbie, your looking for advice on your coupe yeah? So in you delve in, trawling sites and you come to this one... and you give it a whirl and.... Look whats at the top of the tree on the opening page "Wanna be a Pornstar??" Hardly helps you set the idle on your coupe or solve the Misfire at high speed does it? Presentation is 9/10s the law and you all want this forum to thrive yeah? Stoopid questions that IMHO aren't funny like " Would you be a pornstar?" don't create a good impression. Now you say that I don't have a sense of humour and that I should lighten up - Dude! You don't even know me so where you get that idea I don't know but what I do know is: I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door. They asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations." But none of them rub your d1ck and say "well done"? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Honestly some folk will take offence at anything. I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How are you getting on?" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked. "Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw. It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What’s the difference between Basil Brush and a Terrorist with a rucksack? The Terrorist with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?" "No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you..' 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else.. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- These are funny and raise a laugh, stoopid questions that in real life you're never gonna fufill only do the forum harm and fill up vauable server space. As a very Close Friend of mine reminds me: If you p1ssed in one hand and wished in the other, which one would be filled first? So hopefully you see value to what I'm trying to say, if not then you kids can play on in the sand pit!