Classic Audi - You wont believe this..

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon ,
Wiltshire. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).
>
> Q. Name the four seasons
> A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
>
> Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
> A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
>
> Q. How is dew formed
> A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire or Dew is also formed
by not paying your bills as it then becomes dew
> Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
> A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
> abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
>
> Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
> A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
>
> Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
> A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
>
> Q. What are steroids
> A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
>
> Q. What happens to your body as you age
> A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
>
> Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
> A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
>
> Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
> A. Premature death
>
> Q. What is artificial insemination
> A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
>
> Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
> A. Keep it in the cow
>
> Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
> A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
> heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O and U
>
> Q. What is the fibula
> A. A small lie
>
> Q. What does 'varicose' mean
> A. Nearby
>
> Q. What is the most common form of birth control
> A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
>
> Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
> A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
>
> Q. What is a seizure
> A. A Roman Emperor
>
> Q. What is a terminal illness
> A. When you are sick at the airport
>
> Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
> A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
>
> Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
> A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face
>
> Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
> A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
>
> Q. What is a turbine
> A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head